Category: Joke Board
Here's an email I got this morning. Hope you enjoy the humor.
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They
were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came
up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't
find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise
that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom
of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an
oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . please advise."
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed
away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket
out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear
a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually
alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall
bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards
the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"
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When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park
bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me
every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit
and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me
homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me
for half the afternoon.
I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes
me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to
me until 2:00 a.m."
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"
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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and
said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long
time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but
I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
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THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the
good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the
difference.
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Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10. Oh
hell, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are.
Then something is supposed to happen . . . . I think.
Bob
LOL
If that one lady doesn't get her memory back, I'd love to meet her husband. LOL
funny.
lol. yeah, grate jokes!